Popcorn Revelations

Last week, my youngest daughter was wanting popcorn.  Normally she eats a whole regular microwave bag each day after she gets home from school.  This day was no different…except we were out of it.  Instead of going to the store and buying more (because I was feeling a little lazy), I decided to make some the ‘old fashioned’ way…on the stovetop.  Now, I’ve done this from time to time…simply because there is nothing EVER as good as popcorn made this way.  I will never forget the first time I made it like this for my kids.  They were amazed that the tender kernels could come from such hard little seeds…changing shape and texture within the ‘magic pan’.  It was the best thing ever and they could not believe that there was ever life before microwave cooking!

When I was at IU, I used to drive to see my Grandma Lawson who lived a hour or so further south in a small coal mining town called Dugger.  Just to tell you how small this town is (or was when I was there last)…it consisted of a little ‘ Mom and Pop’ grocery, a post office (where my Grandma had been the post master for many years), and a saloon (every town needs one, I suppose!).  I would drive my 1977 chevy camero with the backseat completely packed with my dirty laundry!  When I arrived, Grandma would start the laundry and begin talking about all the good food we would have…”Oh, Kimmy…we are going to such a fun party tonight!!”  Please note that the ‘fun parties’ never included anyone except the two of us…but that was just fine with me.   Ahhhhh….there would be the freezer pizza (I guess she thought I loved this since I was a college kid)  which she always doctored up and always cooked in her gas oven…and the popcorn perfection which I can still taste in my mind to this day.  The drink was always a big glass of her iced, sweet tea and I can still hear the ice cubes tinkle as she carried them in the room.  I can vividly remember the ‘feast’ on her coffee table as our ‘party’ began.  We would watch Lawrence Welk, tv specials, or movies.  All the while TRYING to watch, I would hear the latest Hollywood gossip as if Grandma knew these stars personally!  Ohhh that John Denver was the nicest young man to his wife and loved her so dearly…..and  wasn’t Robert Redford the most handsome man ever???  (ummmm….YES!)  

By day two, I was biting my nails and waiting for the last load of laundry to be finished so I could head back for some ACTION!!!  This feeling was recently recalled when my daughter Sophie, an IU freshman  came home for the first time since leaving for ‘the weekend’.  My poor husband picked her up on Friday and she brought every piece of laundry possible for me to wash!  By evening,  we were all watching tv  and meanwhile, the whole time she was glued to her laptop and chatting on Facebook.    After many heavy sighs, she finally looked at us and asked, “ Is this what you people do in the evenings???  Watch TV??”  ( Ummm…yeah, it is…and I recall just as recent as last year and summer that you were sitting with us watching too!  Ha!)  By the next afternoon, my husband was driving her back to IU.  Eight hours of combined travel time.  Well, that’s what you do, I suppose.  The funny thing is that everyone was a little upset that she was leaving (and wanted to leave) so soon……except for me.  I remembered and relived that very same feeling…wanting to get back to IU and my boyfriend…and all the fun! 

Back to the popcorn.  I have the most disgusting looking pan called my ‘popcorn pan’.  It is a mismatched old Club roaster pan with lid.  Don’t ask me how I got a brown pan with a pink lid but it is what it is.  This came from Grandma’s and is what she made her popcorn in.  So…here are my questions:  1)  How in the world could anything so good come out of anything so ugly  …and  2)  How can these hard little seeds  turn into the most tender, delicious treat ever.

The last two weeks have been so horrible for me.  I lost a dear, long time friend to suicide.  And this week, I lost my youngest brother also…in fact, In just a couple hours i will be going to his visitation.  As I thought about the popcorn, it occurred to me that we all start out as these tough little seeds and how we turn out depends on a lot of things.  You can look at the ugly pan and think nothing good could ever come out of it…but surprise!  By the time you open the lid, the hard seeds are replaced by the tasty, tender kernels.

People and loved ones are a lot like this.  A person can be pretty hard on the outside and it takes a lot of different life experiences and growing to hopefully change them into a caring, soft human.  You have to be generous with love (like the oil) to get them to come out.   But no matter what the environment or how ugly the pan…if the circumstances are right, ( just like the ingredients and temperature)…a wonderful soul will come out.  However, sometimes no matter what…there are those kernels that refuse to change.  Well, what can I say…no one likes them and they eventually go in the trash.   We are all capable of bringing out that tender stuff on the inside.  Life is too short. 

I got the opportunity to make peace with my dying brother and tell him I loved him.  I didn’t get an opportunity to see or talk to my friend for some time….and how I wish I had.  Some things you can never take back…and some people can make your life miserable (the seeds that never pop).  But it is all how we choose to carry on after the fact and deal with our situations…good or bad. 

If you are still reading this..i’m surprised…a lot of deep stuff here.  This post was more for me, therapy…to help me today.  Dealing with the losses and unfortunately an ignorant family member who has a mission to hurt me as much as possible.  The popcorn is a reminder for me today to look beyond the hard seeds and kernels and remember the possibilities of a warm heart and future acts of kindness and love.

Ps.  This post is dedicated to my dear caring friends who have been there for me through everything…. And also to Bob, who encouraged me to blog.  A million thanks…