It's May and officially after Mother's Day is when the time is supposed to be safe to plant flowers and gardens. The last couple of days, I've been outside cleaning out my garden, weeding, preparing the dirt and taking inventory of what i need to do before purchasing plants. Along with cleaning out the dead from the beds, there was a hydrangea plant that i had purchased after my sweet Kari was put down year before last. My intentions were to find a place in the yard and plant it along with some of her ashes....just as i had planted my butterfly bush to accompany my beloved first greyhound, Barbie. These greyhound girls were my first two and i cannot even begin to express how much i loved them both. Anyway, with the hydrangea purchased, i could not seem to find a place to plant it...or never time to do it and it was bad enough that i had procrastinated in even buying a plant for her. And i guess that the real truth of the matter was that i was just too sad to deal with her death and not wanting to be reminded of it by planting the hydrangea along with her ashes. I just didn't want to do it. So it sat by our gate...and like her, wilted away and died. All winter, that plant sat there. And yet, i couldn't even pick the damn thing up to throw it away.
So, as i looked at this poor dead thing in the temporary plastic planter, i remembered how beautiful it was when i first spotted it at the nursery. Ohhh...like Kari, so beautiful. Kari was a gorgeous parti, white body with brown ticking...and such a sweet face. She had beautiful soulful eyes with permanent eyeliner which i coveted. I remembered the beautiful pink color of the hydrangea and how delicate the flowers were....and how this color seemed to suit Kari who was such a little girlie girl. My intentions were good...but i procrastinated, not wanting to actually do the burial deed. And now, like Kari, this once beautiful and living plant was dead. I felt guilty for letting Kari suffer as long as she did with the cancer by trying to manage her pain. I didn't know it could be so bad...and i just wanted her to be with me. I guess i let this plant suffer a painful death too by not watering anymore and just letting it die.
Well..it is what it is and now time to throw it out. But wait...as i looked closer, there was a lone sprout about 3 inches tall with some small leaves. It was not connected to the roots that i could tell. Maybe it was a tree sapling. I mean, we had them all over the yard and it was possible the wind could have blown a seed into the pot. But yet, the leaves on the sapling did not look like the ones i had pulled up in my flower beds. Hmmmm.
Could it be? I came in the house and googled hydrangea to see what the leaves looked like....and sure enough it was, indeed, the hydrangea plant! I could not believe it! Did it re-seed? As i looked at that little seeding i thought about how something so very much alive was now growing in place of that dead plant and tears streamed down my face.
It occurred to me that this was yet another gentle and loving reminder telling me that when we lose all hope and all faith, that good things can come to lift our spirits just in time. New beginnings can happen to replace the dying past or a past that has been hurtful. Not necessarily a replacement maybe. But a new start. This little plant was to represent Kari...and although Kari could never be replaced, a new greyhound came to help us mend our hearts (Gwennie) who, like Kari, also had to be put down because of osteosarcoma several months ago. And now...i have a new little girl named Mona to once again help me deal with the pain of losing (within the past 4 years) three greyhounds. It just now occurred to me that Mona came here to live with us two weeks ago which is probably just about as old as this little sprout. Yes indeed, wonderful things can come from something that appears to be dead to the eye. We only need to take a closer to look to see the positive in a bad situation. If i had thrown the dead plant out without taking the time to notice and investigate, i would have never seen this little sprout of hope. This little plant is a reminder to me of life and not death,.... hopeful new beginnings and not dwelling on the sorrowful endings. Look to the future, remember the past, and live life now to the fullest.
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| Mona and I on her Gotcha Day, 4/30/11 |
I carefully pulled the little sprout out from the dead plant and it's temporary pot and planted into a nice pot with good soil and fertilizer. I am remembering my beloved dogs and other things in my life...but with some nourishment, care and love...i will begin to look at the now and the future.
No recipe here...just some thoughts. Hope you can look at everything in a new way today because of my story.
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| A new beginning. |
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